Our Beloved Policeforce


	Our helpful Police

This page is being added as we have wonderful news about how efficient the police is, both at home and abroad. Beaters Abroad cannot cope with all this information. Our reporters are a little rushed off their feet, coping with other jobs, as well as reporting but there will shortly be lots more information on this page. If you want to contribute, just send the photos and information to countytalk.co.u.info. Latest 20/09/09 Policedogs, quick response to accidents.26/09/09 Stylish Uniforms are important. 29.03.10




We recommend all these Ladybird books for further reading.. However, the budding young policemen and women may care to look at our photos below, they show a bit more about real policework and what the police do on any working day.




	Many keen youngsters are anxious to find out more about what police-work involves. As you can see belwo, it is very varied and not at all like being aNHS worker, for example, which involves seeing sick people and taking time off work.


	If you look belwow you will see that the Police are able to take their time off, whilst on the job, it is so relaxing.


	Stylish Uniforms are one of the attractions for young people who want to join the Force. 29.03.10


		For more excellent photos of our hard-working force, just scroll down.

	Rural Crime on the increase. 17/10/0

Countrydwellers, watch out: “aqusitive crime” is on the increase in the countryside. Up by as much as 22.8 % in Cambridgeshire, for example. We have no Westcountry figures. Not all Police Forces were helpful in answering questions. It is likely that they were the worst ones...The Home-office is adding £15 million to the Police to help stop Aquisitve Crime. This means THEFT to normal people. The thieves are particulatrily adept at taking quad-bikes, horse-trailers, horse-boxes, caravans, power-tools, trailers.
Our Gamehen has spoken to the Tiverton Police who very re-assuringly state that once the thieves cross the county border into Somerset they will take no further action. If they took any in the first place...It is easier to fulfil theri quotas and targets booking driving offences. Catching thieves is time-consuming and difficult so it is more efficient if the Police-force abandons this impossible task.
Help yourselves, thieves, feel free.You’re likely to remain so


	And don’t worry if you report a crime. The Police will take all your details, such as ethnic back-ground, and put it on their computer. That solves everything. Was the crime religioulsy motivated, they ask, very earnestly. The Police don’t normally visit the scene of this type of crime. They are busy filling in forms



	Criminals are getting bolder! 10/10/09

The Car thieves are getting bolder all the time since reading that the Police spend only about 2.3% of their time tracking these criminals. They are too busy issuing parking tickets and speeding fines.Luckily, this is but a temporary setback for the keepers of law and order. As we can see in the photo, they are always ready to jump into their cars and take off, with the lights flashing. They only need a moment or two to prepare the vehicles on the odd occassion.

		In the meantime, the criminals are showing wonderful ingenuity and don’t let the same sort of problem slow them down for even 2% of their time...No to worry. In no time the Police will catch up with the car-thieves.Obviously, they have gone down the road...

A recent report shows that our police-officers spend only 6 hrs a week on the beat. They send around 23% of their time on paper work and the rest is spent dashing about with flashing lights. Nobody is very surprised. The last time we saw a police-officer in Tiverton was when two of them stood outside Morrisson’s supermarket asking members of the public what their main concerns are. This is obviously very good of the police but we did wonder why it needed two officers to talk to only one member of the public at any given time? And how much longer will the paper-work take?
But don’t worry, the criminal classes are realy frightened. The photo shows a bicycle thief making his get-away. He really hardly stands a chance, the police have several % of time left and very suitable equipment.




		Any thief would be frightened seeing this behind him!


	This is a video-clip showing that, not only can the police arrange the accidents, here they give the victim some instant treatment. Oh dear....


	As we see here, our beloved police-force respond swiftly to the most alarming sight. Top hats and fluorescent cover-ups are immediatelly available for distressed persons who have failed to secure jobs at massage parlours.
				Alarming Incidents do not face the Police.

As we can see, even our beloved policemen can get a little weary. It is all that work checking people for arms and drugs, not to mention running around with the Tour of Britain cycle race. It is no wonder the police have no time to ivestigate boring crimes such as the theft of quad-bikes or valuable horse-trailers. Why should they? There are more pressing duties such as checking what the dogs have got on them...As for crimes, all they have to do is send out some forms to the previous owners of the stolen goods and ask if they are satisfied customers! 20/09/09





							The Drug squad are feared by the criminal element. Drugs can be very hard to find and rural dwellers can be clever at hiding them. There is all this confusing vegetation for a start.





The police are also known for their response and responsible actions when we have problems such as animals on the roads, ferocious animals that escape from zoos and other such dangerous calamities. We are in safe hands! We maybe should keep the cats inside, it is very easy to make a mistake.

Good News for Policedogs! Better retirement plans.

The Police have just announced that Police-dogs are henceforth going to have a paid retirement. We think these loyal servants really deserve this. Previously, they have normally retired from active service, to the home of their handler. The handler had to pay all the keep for his retired dog. Now the Government is going to chip in and pay for veterinary treatment and a few associeated costs for the handler. We think this is good news for the dogs. They normally serve for 5-7 years and only retire for around 2 years. After all that training and all the hard work they deserve a bit of consideration.

Everybody makes a minor mistake sometimes. And dogs make fewer parking errors. We think they are worth all the Italian Beater fare they can get!

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We make no apology for re-publishing our favourite fast dog! It is incredible. Just try to imagine a human police-officer trying to respond quickly in this situation... Then donate 6 cans of dog-food to the Police-dog retirement fund. Wolfie is in charge of it. He considers himself deprived of his rightful career due to an unfortunate accident, see Wolfie’s Voice..

We have seen the photo on the left photo used as religous propaganda: I walk the valley of Death...
Rubbish! it is proper training that’s what it is!
Well done dogs! Well done handlers! And well done the Cat too, you’re just one clever pussy.


		Quick responses.

	It is somehow very calming to know that the police are usually the first emergency service at the scene of an accident. It is so very reassuring, they can then direct the traffic away from the scene and call the other emergency services, if they are needed. Sometimes you don’t even have to call the police, they provide the accident. Their efficency is incredible.


	Parking Problems

		It has already been mentioned on Beaters Abroad that the Police in all countries are most helpful when it comes to parking problems. If you feel worried as to the suitability or possibly even if the space you have found is an allocated car-park, just ask a policeman. They are nearly always more understanding thant those horrid traffic wardens. After all, they have to park their own vehicles in all sorts of places. It is good to know that they are such skilled and observant drivers.


	as we have seen on News and Gossip,some countrydwellers rarely have baths. Indeed, our survey throws doubt on the efficiency of water to clean country smells. Perhaps more alcohol is what is needed? It cleans very well. This Police-officer shows devotion to duty beyond normal standards. Our roads will be safer after such material is removed.


		Our police force is always very with it and connected up in every way. They know where to park, what to do, where to find things like criminals, drugs, dangerous animals. They know the risk areas such as the North Devon Link Road, where we can always be caught speeding. Well, they are doing their job. Full marks to them, no speeding vehicle is ever safe from that speed-camera. Trust the police!