This page is now for general letters about country matters and sport, or anything else that might interest our readers. If you want to speak about shooting, horses or dogs, just write to those sections, please.

Click here to find our letters about eating our cobs, this subject has now attracted mainstream intrest.24/10/09

Dear Reginald,
We feel the world is too full of apologies and we stand by our sentiments abut Cullompton, sorry.
The Editor.

It is very insulting to write this town off as suitable to be used as a background for Eurovision song-contests. Germany does not win these song-contests by using Cullompton, indeed no.
I have had a most delicious Cream Tea with clotted cream and strawberry jam for £5.50, sitting nicely in a tea-shoppe where I could amuse myself by watching the lorries going by in the very centre of Cullompton. I really regard this a s a typical small- town Englsih experience, not to be missed.
The M5 service station toilets are perfectly adequate for peeing into. I hope you will give a public apology.
Yours, Reginald. 31.05.10

Readers Comment on the Grand National of 2010

 Dear Sir, I don’t think amateurs should be allowed to ride in the Foxhunter’s at Aintree,
 Yours Lousie, Uppington,14.4.10

Dear Sir,
I think your Grand National race was horrible, I cannot understand this British way of enjoying horses that fall over. It is horrible to me.
Yours, Gunilla Malmström, Sweden., 14.04.10

Dear Sir,
I disagree with Gunilla, for me it is the top race in the world, everyone knows about it. It was fantastic this year, so exciting. Horses are very well looked after and the jockeys too, hardly any get put down at all.
Ronny, Bishoip’s Burton, 14/4/10

Dear Sir,
 I hope you know that the pural of moose is also moose, not meese, like you say in news and gossip.
Also, the songs you have are very old, I think you should put more modern type things on countrylife.
Yours,
Gunilla Malmström, Sweden. 23-12-09

Thank you Gunilla,
Meese is alittle joke. Sorry. It has been corrected, thank you. We are glad to hear from you again, it has been a long time. Mnay uncorrected errors will no doubt have occured. We are delighted with your Scandinavian Exopertise, as ever.
Merry Christmas to you!
The Editor, 23-2-09

The Letter suggesting Elvis Presley’s” Retun to Sender” was actually for the Daily Telegraph but we re-publish it here as we hope to hear from other readers as to what funeral marches they might like. As you can see, it has made the beaters think. The Editor. 30/10/09

Sir,
For my funeral, I would like the Beaters’ song:
The Man who walked 500 miles:

But I'm gonna walk 500 miles
And I'm gonna walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you

Yours, Sue, S Molton 31.0.09
 

Sir,
I would like Bob Dylan’s: The Answer,My Friend, is Blowing in the wind...”Yours, Annie 30/10/09

Sir,I think Elvis Presley is a wonderful idea, but personally I’m asking for Marlene Dietrich, singing “Je Ne Regrette Rien”
Yours, Granny,30/10/09

Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
Ni Le Bien Qu'on M'a Fait, Ni Le Mal
Tout Ca M'est Bien Egal
Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
C'est Paye, Balaye, Oublie, Je Me Fous Du Passe

Blowin' In The Wind
How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

The Editor doesn’t even apologise for publishing these well-known texts without permission from anybody at all.

Dear Reginald,
A most interesting thought about tomatoes. What about alcohol and smoking? Do you drink?
The Editor 26/08/09

Sir,
 Showering is no silver bullet. There is nothing wrong with smelliness caused by honest work. Obviously, smelliness caused by overheated aeroplanes and supermarkets is totally different and can even cause swine fever, I believe.
In my youth we always washed in cold water, in the morning and when we came home from work. I still practice this and I’m now 89 and remarkably active for my age, I’m told. I’m sure the healthy cold water has been instrumental in helping me stay well for so long as well as my tomato free diet. People who eat lots of tomatoes have a lot of problems, I have noticed that during my long life. I also avoid chips but eat plenty of red meat.
Yours, Reginald, Minehead, 26/08/09

Dear Gunilla,
Silver bullets are a cure all. They seem only to be known in the Anglo-Saxon world. They should be fired by golden guns, of course. We hope this will be of help to you.They will kill werewolves.
The Editor, 17/08/09

Dear Sir,
I was reading about the tuberulosis problem in Britain. In Sweden we do not have this problem much.
I do not understand what Silver Bullet is? Is this real or a British Joke again?
Explain please.
Yours Gunilla Malmström,Sweden 14.08.09

Our Editor is trying to find out about Silver Bullets for you, Gunilla. Thank you, as always for your questions.

Sir,
Egg yolk is one of the most nourishing substances on this Earth. That is why Grannies suck it. It would be better kept for African Infants! But that is the answer, a very valuable source of protein in a very digestible form.
I have no idea how the Grannies learn all this sucking but maybe it is the shortage of good dentists? If you have no teeth, suck kind of thing?
Alexander, Hewish, 16-08-09

Folowing this question we feel obliged to publish the HEALTH AND SAFETY ADVICE:
NURSING MOTHERS SHOULD NOT LET THEIR INFANTS FEED DURING PARACHUTE JUMPS.

Dear Reginald,
We congratulate you on being so observant and we assume you drink a lot of coffee. We cannot answer this question without going sky diving. We have asked Granny, you can see that she is surprised too.
In the meantime, enjoy these british breasts in the rain.
The Editor, 11/08/09

The photo with female bosoms can be seen on Granny’s page.

Sir,
May I ask why the female sky divers on the front page appear to be wearing their breasts inside out?
Yours,
Reginald,Littlehampton, 11/08/09

Sir,
I just read on your weather-page that Robis’s grandmother doesn’t want to learn how to suck eggs. What does this mean? Why should she suck eggs? I have never understood this phrase.
Yours
Kristina, 4-8-09

Dear Kristina,
I have spent many sleepless nights wondering this myself. I hope our readers can help. If sucking eggs is a necessary life skill, shouldn’t we teach it to children rather than grandmothers?
The Edirtor, 04/08/09

Teach not thy parent’s mother to extract
The embryo juices of the bird by suction.
The good old lady can that feat enact
Quite irrespective of your kind instruction.

Sir,
Where is that long-distance rider that used to write in to country-talk? He should have some valuable information on this racing in Mongolia. I’m rather disappointed in Richard Dunwoody, myself, he used to be hero of mine but now I think he’s just gone mad.
Yours Lisa, Chittlehampton. 24.7.09

Yes,Lisa, we agree. Our endurance rider seems to be on a long holiday in Iceland. We hope he’ll give us his views upon his return.
The Editor.

Dear Rupert,
Some things you just have to find out for yourself. Amsterdam is famous for it’s Red Lights, any major city will have such a district.
The Editor 23/07/09

Sir,
Please, where is the bordello district mentioned on Granny’s Page? Our entire area lacks such facilities and I would be very interested in finding out more. I even think it could INCREASE the value of a property, to discerning customers.
Yours,
Rupert, 22nd July 2009

Dear Giles,
We hope you notice how hard we’re trying to explain. We have even enlisted the Daily Telegraph Team.
The Editor.18/07/09

Sir,
Your explanation of cricket is terrible. You must not hit the stumps when you’re batting, then you would be out! It is a most elementary mistake. It is a wonderful sport and look which is the more interesting, ghastly tennis-players or delectable cricket fans?
Giles, S Molton. 16/07/09

Thank you Giles,
We do feel very ignorant about cricket, we have a female staff, apart from a male secretary. I fear his explanations have lacked clarity and we welcome any improvements whatsoever.We’re particularily interested in the value and use of the Ashes, should one win. What can you do with them?
Thank you, readers.
The Editor

Sir,
 I write to complain. Country people don’t want to hear about show-jumping and all that doping that goes on. No, we want to hear about the tennis at Wimbledon and about the regatta at Henley. Those are the proper country summertime interests, until shooting starts again. Glorious Goodwood is an acceptable racing venue but Midsummer Festivals in Pagan Countries are of no interest to English readers.
Bruce Forester, Littlehampton, June 29th,2009

 Dear Bruce,
Unfortunately www.countrytalk lacks a reporter who is interested in tennis at the moment. Perhaps you would be prepared to help out? I fear our Editor is rather horse-sport minded. The Regatta sounds a very pleasant venue and we thank you for the suggestions and hope to have a report from the Tennis from you. Our Editor lost interest when Nadal pulled out with injuries. She did rather enjoy last years’ Mens Finals but I fear she is just not a tennis kind of person.
And she hates rugby, she says the players have horribly large thights, clearly she has no understanding of the game whatsoever.
Regards,
The Secretary. 29-06-09
 

Dear Sir,
 In your aticle on News and Gossip I think you have failed to understand how exciting Misommar-afton is in Sweden. We go dancing in the Folkets park and on the way home we pick seven kinds of flowers to sleep with under the pillows. Then we can be enabled to dream who our future husband will be.
It is all very romantic and not a drunken sauna party at all.
Yours ,
Gunilla, Sweden, 23/06/09

Thank you Gunilla,
You are always most helpful. It is hard to convey that special athmosphere of sunrise and sunset which blur together into a long long day. It is very special, we recommend our readers go and experience it for themselves. It must be felt in the country side, not in town, this is a true country festival. The Editor.

Sir,
  I tried to write a Letter to the Daily Telegraph, to complain about all the high-priced holidays they have in their Travel Section at the week-end. It only upsets my wife that we cannot go on Safaris costing £3.500/person. I think I’m not the only man in this position. I wish we would have more reports from economy holidays, which is all that most of us aspire to, these days.
  For some unknown reason, the Telegraph has not published my letter so I appeal to www.countytalk to air this matter. can anyone go on luxury holidays now?             Yours, Gerald Bentley, 8-6-09

Dear Fleur,
 As for the Challenge, I had in mind something suitable for a training ride for my potential World Champion youngster. Naturally, I don’t expect you and your rather aged friend to keep up the pace for too long, a ride of about 10 miles would probably be sufficent for you to gather some uderstanding of our sport. Even if you have previously STABLED horses for endurance riding, this hardly qualifies as riding them. As for your friend, anyone can fall off on Salisbury Plain. I will make no further comments until after the Challenge. Exmoor would be totally agreeable to me as I can combine it with a break for me and my partner.
James Bolnes, 01.06.09

P.S. I wish to add, that sadly, I have never partaken in a competiton in Lawrence of Arabia conditions. It is not me in your romatic picture in the sand-dunes. I wish it was. It is probably one of the Sheiks.I recommend that your in-experienced reporters stay well away from such testing conditions, Exmoor is probably more than they can cope with.
Yours, James Bolnes. 05.06.09

Sir,
 I take objection to the useless research done by countrytalk. My wife has spent the last 35 years drinking white wine in considerable excess, yet is slim, almost lean. In fact, for fattening up, I have always been told that Guiness Stout is the best.
  Roger, Chumleigh, 04.6.09

Our top Reporter Fleur, is willing to take up the challenge to her bottom presented by James Bolnes, below.

Countrytalks top reporter Fleur, here gives a very polite reply to Mr. Bolnes, who appears to be slightly miffed about our reports from the Golden Horseshoe.

. ‘Your reporters would never withstand the rigours of our sport if they gave it a go’.
James Bolnes, Monmouth, 17/5/09
 I do believe this is a challenge?!! Perhaps Mr J Bolnes would like to invite us to his next event. FB 28-05-09

Gamebird also apologizes to Mr Bolnes: Dear James,
I had no intention of upsetting endurance riders. Obviously it is a difficult sport, just like Beater Trials, see At the At the Trials Trials, where there are also many Veterans and Junior competitors.
Whilst I prefer to travel in a car for longer distances, I and my Mannerly Mare, although rather steady, will try our outmost to keep up with you and Fleur. I shall also arrange for a suitable Independent Observer and maybe a Vet on Standby for the Mannerly Mare.
As the finances of wwww.countrytalk are not in the governement bracket and we are unable to claim expenses, in spite of the rising circulation, we would indeed prefer Exmoor to be the venue.
 My own only long-distance effort consists of a ride in the Arab Marathon, many years ago, when there was no vetting, only a straightforward race. I was riding an Anglo-Arab, hard trained by myself and had high hopes of winning. Unfortunatly a scrubby bush on Salisbury Plain got rather in the way and felled the Anglo-Arab. I spent the next 3 hours on foot, trying to find the horse, who had not achieved Join Up by the Native American Method. Unfortunatly it also belonged to my future mother-in-law, who was not pleased.
Possibly this gave me a bad introduction to endurance riding.Yours,
Gamebird. 01-06-09

Gamebird, our other leading reporter, feels that she would be best employed as an observer of this match, fom comfortable position in a car, with a picnic.She could then produce a most informative and up to date report on this interesting match.
Kindly, Mr.Bolnes, let us know when you’re competing next, we don’t shirk a challenge at www.countrytalk. Gamebird, 29/05/09

Dear Fleur and Gamebird,
 I don’t feel you’re understanding our sport at all. We’re not chickens with sore bottoms. We’re tough. I challenge you to a private match, to save you having to register your pony-clubbing horses with the Endurance Horse and Pony Society etc. A private match with an indendent observer would be the best solution.
 I myself am free for a spell in June and July, at weekends. I expect you will be making excuses and saying you’re too busy... I suggest the Brecon Beacons or maybe one of the Westcountry Moors.
I look foward to hearing from you,

James Bolnes.17/05/09

Sir,
I’ve just read that DEFRA has given £300.000 for research into ducks. This has resulted in the fantastically surprising statistic: DUCKS LIKE WATER!.
Nobody had any idea whatsoever that that might be the case, did they? No.
 Personally, I think DEFRA should invest in this research on bottoms, it is much more interesting and less predictable..
 I very much look forward to hearing how horse-riding affects the skin of this area. My wife is a keen rider, and I have to say, she is not as smooth as she used to be. But one cannot be sure this is the norm. Research is indcicated .Yours., Edmund Wallace, by e-mail, 20.05.09

The Editor Replies:
 Thank you Edmund. We’re trying to secure some funds for this research. We have been very upfront with the govenement and told them that any grants will be used on expenive meals, good wine, taxis and bribes in order to entice people to let us examine their rear ends in suitably expensibve locations.
The governement sshould be well used to these sort of claims and we expect the research to be approved after some of the usual delays. The Editor. 22.05.09

Alexandra Tolstoy’s Television Programmes about Horsemen have been much commented everywhere:

 Sir,
I think Alexandra is so brave! I admire her tremendously. Can we vote for her to be Sportswoman of the Year? Her Barrell racing effort was so magnificent, seeing she really was scared. But oh, so sexy in her cowgirl outfit.
Mike, Woodlands, 22/04/09

 Sir,
 Personally I enjoyed Alexandra Tolstoys documentary very much.Although the scenes of the mare being killed brutally with an axe were remarkably unpleasant the culture and it’s implications were very interesting. The truth is, that not many of us would be prepared to keep this culture going. If there is anybenefit in keeping this type of life and life-style alive today we may have to accept that we will never be able to understand why you hang your dead horses heads in trees, or why you should be trapping the last few wolves on this planet. Obviously, if you think your precious new-born foal is at risk, you tend to do something about it. The fact that the foal is to be slaughtered at weaning is merely how this business works. It is the same in France, the meat-producing big heavy horses also have their foals slaughtered at weaning, when they go to Italy to be eaten.
The Documentary has produced an outcry, according to the BBC. In fact, it appears that around   .    1000000 ( a million) people watched the program and that 100 or so felt suffienently strongly to make a protest. This is hardly an outcry.I closed my eyes when the poor mare was axed to death but we have to remember that we live in a brutal world where women and children are axed to deathtoo, even though it is not for food.
Regards, Helena Bell, Wolverhampton 17.04.09

Fools Breed Horses for Wise Men to ride

Sir,
Speaking as a small breeder of some experience I was most interested in Carole Mortimer’s article in the Horse and Hound this week, about stallion grading in the Netherlands . It brings home the truth of the the old English saying: Fools breed horses for wise men to ride. In England breeders really are fools. We get little or no appreciation, and are indeed as Carole Mortimer says, the train-spotters of the equine world.
 Continental riders are interested and knowledgable about breeding and often mention, with pride, that they have bought an expensive young horse from a leading breeder.
 British riders are fond of the phrase ‘ I found him in a field'. It is as if the horse just grew there, like a mushroom.
 There are excellent studs in Britain but the vast majority of foals appear to be born because:‘ The mare was difficult, so we put her in foal’. When asked about the blood-lines of the difficult mares these breeders seem vague. In most of the Continental countries, even small breeders are very interested in the bloodlines, which are readily available. In Sweden for example, under every photo of a horse and rider, the horses name will appear, and the name of it’s sire and damsire. The breeders name will also be there, together with the riders.
 I can only suggest, that as leading British horse publications , such as the Horse and Hound, starts to regularily include the names of breeders and the sires of horses. People would absorb these without making any concious effort and, in the long run, this would probably be the single most effective way of promoting British Breeding.
Anne Ratcliff, Stormhill Stud, Devon. 10.04.09

Racegoers Fashions

Dear Sir,
 I don’t think www.countrytalk did justice to the Aintree fashions. Personally I thought the young very brave and quite stunning, it was one of the highlights of the meeting.

Paul, Newbury, 7-4-09

Is there room for Fishermen on the footpath?

 Sir,
 I agree with Frank, the fishermen sem to need loads of equipment but they are quiet and polite. The cyclists are also quiet, it just gives you heart-attacks when they suddenly shoot by, out of nowhere. Some of the dog-walkers frighten me. But overall we are very lucky to have such a lovely setting so near town.
Yours,
Angela, Tiverton, 06/04/09

Dear Sir,
 I tried to walk along the Tiverton Canal today. It was a most unpleasant experience, despite the sunshine. Do these fishermen really have to take up the entire path? Between the luggage brought by the fishermen and the heavily armoured cyclists in their battle-gear and all the walkers, I have to say it was not peaceful or enjoyable.
Kind regards, Frank, Tiverton. 4.4.09

Dear Sir,
  I’m an avid reader of the Daily Telegraph on Saturdays, they have a great Weekend section, it lasts until the next Thursday. This week, their gardening supplement made an excellent suggestion: Grow Your Own Wedding!
 They are thinking only short-term, food, flowers for the marquee and so forth. I’m thinking more long-term, I would l like to do this for my new grand-daughter, Esmeralda
  I’m already planting some romantic palm-trees and thinking of borugonvillai in the marquee, which, if we start soon, could be a tropical paradise in approximately 20 years time.
 But, advice, please, where can I get the Bridegroom seeds? I would like to grow several, in case they don’t germinate, or they turn out not as spectacular as one might wish. Therefore, the sooner I start growing a few Bridegrooms, the better. If there is a surplus they could be marketed, which would pay for the meat and champagne for wich I don’t have enough land to produce them myself.
 Yours faithfully,
Gemma, Staplehurst. 22.03.09

Dear Sir,
Bridegroom seeds are hard to find but easy to grow once you've got them started. They like mollycoddling so suggest starting off in pots in greenhouse. When hardened off, plant out in rich & fertile soil - preferably in warm & sheltered spot - & feed & water liberally. Growth should be swift & strong but beware, they are very susceptible to blight & slugs.
Lucinda, Little Hole 26/03/09

A Kind Word:

Dear Editor,
Thank you for the quick updates and photos from Cheltenham. I have lived in France too, and Germany, and I do so agree, this country, for all it’s failings has the most wonderful coverage of Horse-racing imaginable. I also so love the visits to the horses at the trainer yards and the interviews with the stable personel.
Frank, London, 12.03.09

 From the Editor:

Dear Frank,
Many thanks, it is a bit strugglesome to find the time, actually as without the expertise of Game Bird, who is striking, we are a bit hopeless with computers at headquarters. We really appreciate if someone notices our efforts.
 And yes, those reports from the trainers yards are just lovely.. And what about Lough Derg being so horrible in his box, it is exactly these things that make it so outstanding to watch.
The Editor

Dear Sir,
I’m shocked and saddened. How can anyone think of eating their cob? I have a wonderful cob who has served me for 23 years and I regard him as my truest friend. I think that if I had to choose between Bobby and my husband I would opt for Bobby, except for his lack of money-earning capacity. He has now been retired since he was 17 and got arthritis in his hocks. I could not dream of eating my friend, however hungry I might get. When he dies I would like to bury him in the garden and plant a tree in memory of my friend. I hope the day will not come for a long time yet. I get pleasure from his company every day of my life.
Yours most sincerly,
Miriam, 26.2.2009

The photo shows a French Ardennes Horse, a breed nowadays used mainly for meat-production. Photographer unknown.

Dear Sir,
       I’m glad somebody dares say this. Horse-people tend to be so sentimental about their animals, but think of all that meat going to waste.
Well done, Diana, for daring suggest this possibility.Those that wish to rescue the French Meat horses should bear in mind that the big cold-blooded horses which are bred for meat only nowadays will then become extinct.hardly anybody actually uses horses in agriculture any more in France. Mostly, the foals are actually exported to Italy, where they prefer the meat of young horses, whilst the French eat the older animals.Or so I have been told, anyway.

 Regards, Peter, Lewisham 23.2.09

Dear Sir,
       In answer to Janet, we are going to eat ours. I think this is the best solution for the moment. It is impossible to sell them for real money. We can no longer afford shoes, food, bedding and all the other inputs.The Charities are busy rescuing French meat-horses, for unknown reasons, and are not interested in our well looked after aged cob.  The gelding is getting on and not really much use any more. To have him put down and his carcase incinerated at the local Kennels will cost £ 350 and be very traumatic and useless. To have him shot and eaten at home will be traumatic but economical.
 I have checked with Defra and it is ok for home-consuption only. We could not sell the meat but this does not matter as the market for edible old cobs may not be good anyway.
We think this solution is the kindest both to our horse and ourselves.
 Kind regards,
 Diana, 21.2.09

 Why there are no wet T-shirt photos of eventing grooms...

Dear Sir,
       No wonder you canot find pictures of eventing girl grooms. Nobody can afford grooms any more. Well, the professionals can but they mainly have college students. The amateurs have THEIR MOTHERS, of which loyal band I’m one. Nobody takes photos of us. Our husbands won’t come to the events and our daughters are busy riding and walking the course and so forth...We mothers are not getting younger but we’re busy driving the horse-box, putting studs in, tacking up, doing the entries.. You name it, we do it! And for very little thanks and a lot of expense. So maybe we would like pictures of ourselves too... Usually it is raining as well and we seldom wear T-shirts, usually it’s more the old Puffa Jackets that come out.
Event Groom 20.2.09

What are we to do with our horses this year?

Dear Sir,
What are we all to do this year? I for one cannot afford to compete or go to shows with my horse any more. I can hardly afford to keep him shod. Entry fees and transport have become so expensive...But it is a bit dull to just hack out. I’m not getting any younger and I want to have some fun whilst I can.
How do other hard-up riders manage?
All ideas welcomed.
Janet, Evesham. 19.2.09

Appreciation of countrytalks first few efforts.

Dear Sir
 
How thrilled I was to stumble across Country Talk whilst desperately surfing the net to find info. on the countryside. I am a complete 'townie' you see, recently moved down to Devon due to personal circumstances & I KNOW what a despised thing an ignorant townie is. It has given me great encouragement to learn than even someone like me could go beating but of course without your information on what to wear etc., I could not possibly have risked making a complete fool of myself by getting it all wrong. The other thing that rather excited me was the photo of an incredibly handsome & sexy mature male beater wearing a Beret Basque - I had somehow imagined only gruesome old wurzles sucking straw would be involved. Do you by any chance have a contact number for him?? I guess all that tramping around hill & dale might also help reduce my posterior which has become dangerously spread from spending too much time sitting on a chair. I look forward to becoming a regular reader & learning MUCH more about what goes on outside of town.
 
Yours in hope.
Deidre Camembert Ms