Fashion page


	FASHION PAGE


	This is the page where Country People In General and Beaters and Beatressess in Particular, find out what the latest trends are. This page is a must for the well-dressed beater! Royal Ascot, Wimbledon, Cheltenham, horse-trials, tweed knickerbockers are a must for under-keepers. cricket, golf, we do our best! Cricket has it’s own page.Wooly wedding.

The Best Wedding? 02.08.11
It seems that the second Royal Weddign of the year, in Britain, was more fun. Nobody is saying aword, the well trained guests are mum but it has emerged that the bridal couple never went to bed, that Princes performed karaoke all night and that champagne sprouted out of fountains.The bride is retaining her maiden name and will continue to ride as Miss Phillips, hopefully to Olympic glory, or at least at Badminton. The sporting guests included skeleton racers, motor racers and other fast peope. Sir Jackie Stewart’s socks have won the prize for the most desirable fashion item. We are awaiting information as to who scored best in the karaoke. As for the Velveteen Rabbit, he is apparently very popular at weddings and brings tears to the eyes of the guests,he doesn’t become Real until he is loved. Real, or Royal, who knows? Apparently, by this time, he is worn out and hairless, but Real. In Spanish, Real meansRoyal, this book can become a world best-seller. The bald Royal Rabbit is then burnt on the bonfire, our Editor gathers. Not having been invited she isuffring sour grapes and waits for another Reading for clarification.

British Hats lead the World. 16.06.11

We’re delighted to report that Britain, whilst suffering froma recession, unburied grandmothers and uncollected rubbish and a record number of unemployed people claiming benefits nevertheless leads the world where hats are concerned. This is absolutly thrilling news and our governement should look into what has made our hats so stunning. |Have they recieved a lot of public money? Are the creators paid stunning pensions? Is there a proper Health and Safety Policy for the Hat Industry?
Are the wearers of the hats( known as consumers) obese and in need of statins?
We think the Governement should look into these questions most urgently.. Maybe it could learn something. For our very fashion consious beatresses we report that birds and butterflies are definitly the thing to wear on your head.
We feel that the very tall tower shape shown on the left is impractical on woodland shoots. A charming hoopoe, or some butterflies will really make you popular in the beating line however. If you have no hoopoes, there are plenty of magpies around this year..A thrilling Royal Ascot Ladies Day!




		Royal Ascot 2011. 15.06.11 The most important accessory this year is a celebrity. As can be seen, fascinators are out and hats worn like plates on the side of the head is in. Elegance is in. Choose an elegant celebrity, with care. A dog isnot deemed suitable. Don’t admit to getting anything from Primark. if stopped by the fashion reporters who roam around in the crowd like sharks.

Royal Ascot: A Fashion Highlight of the Year. 12.06.11
Many women are in a total panic over what to wear, where to find a hat, will there be hail storms and frostbite?
The best thing to do, is, as ever, find something you feel will flatter you. Once you have found the flattering dress, the hat will follow.. We hope anyway. It may blow away, of course. A hat makes an outfit. On the left you may notice that there are some outfits that cannot be made by hats, however.
It is a little late to start slimming now, but better late than never. You can probably loose 6 lbs, if you give up eating altogether. This will of course make you feel a bit low, very hungry and not in a good mood. However, once you get to the meeting, just relax and look stunning, back Sir Henry and follow young Barzalona. All will yet end well.(actually 50-1 against that one)
Study the underside of these shoes, as worn by Princess Letizia of Spain, Carla Bruni of France and Mrs. Obama of the US.. Take price tags off.


	As you can see, a hat is not always needed. When you find the right one, it does make an outfit, however.

The American outfit on the left has a very good hat, but a dress will be much more suitable for Royal Ascot. You will not get into the Enclosure in trousers.. Match the hat with a lovely dress or skirt though and you will steal the show.
Pink proved unlucky for the Queen at Epsom, black and white is always fashionable at Ascot.

Shorts are in everywhere else, but not at Rouyal Ascot where formality reigns.

Health and Safety already advise against staying out in the sun. On the other hand, lack of sunshine is now causing rickets, as in medieval times.
Spray-on tan will very soon be deemed highly dangerous, enjoy it whilst you can. It looks artifical but rather brilliantly glowing.The vikings would have worn it if it had been available.

Badminton 2011. Shorts and picnics and passion in a sunny Britain. It can never be better than this, not in England, in April 26.04.11

Althoguh shorts were the most popular option, many opted for skirts or dresses. Matched with a smart dog, even last season’s tweed looked good however. Boots

were still very in evidence, even with the shorts, sometimes not such a good combination, especially on a warm afternoon. many people had brought a change of outfit and even another, more matching dog for the afternoon. Hot black dogs were exchanged for cooler, white dogs, or even less furry dogs

The main thing was that everyone was very happy. A few people got exhausted by all the course walking and all the dog walking.

And the smartest|?We think Laura Collett, trotting up with Rayef took the prize!
Smartest dog? Well, our reporter Wolfie is working on an update for his column. Certainly, he was very entusiastic.

Asset Management for 2011.

Aintree Fashion 2011: 08.04.11As we can see the weather is glorious, the ladies trying hard but thei rfeet are feeling the strain. Many are collapsing unshod on the course-walk and are still awaiting a handsome farrier.

As can be seen, the ladies made a fantastic effort. Not everybody managed to stay the distance, but the turnout in the paddock was brilliant and some notable hats were seen. In the sunshine, we can just hope that those who lost out today will win tomorrow!

All middleaged beatresses are aware of a certain slippage of the assets, in a negative direction. The solution, it appears , is to wear a bra in bed. This should be well stuffed and padded so that the assets can never sag or touch each otherThey will stop the horrible sight of wrinkled assets. It will clearly also serve to avoid any wanted or unwanted sexual adventures whatsoever, for middleaged beatresses.
Take a lot of trouble with this, then make sure that you show no cleavage whatsoever, cleavage is out of fashion this summer. Bi polar distress is very in. Carry your pills in a see-through fashionbag, for sympathy.

Beatresses are becoming Fashion Icons:
26.11.10 The rich and famous are now fighting to get hold of pre-stressed wax jackets and beating boots.
The beatresses feel justified in their choice of Barbour as the standard bearer. The fashion victim on the left is trying hard, but fails to re-captivate that country look.. Invest in a pre-stressed wax!

Glorious 12th? The Fashion that never changes...12.08.10
If you scroll down, or click here,you will be able to see the previous fashion for game-keepers and beaters.
If in further doubt, we refer you to the first page of our Beating line, where you can see what to wear.

A correctly attired and most attractive Lady Gun can be seen to the right.For the Grouse Moors, we recommend the most comfortable footwear possible, both guns and beaters may walk some distance.

The Lady Gun looks impeccable and very expensive, as no doubt she is. This season a day on the Grouse moors is likely to be $14.000. Better enjoy it!

a loader and a dog are clearly required here..

Tweed skirts is the country must for the eventing spectators and the County Shows.08.05.10
Our reporters are mortified that they had not kept up with the change in hose-trials fashionin time for Badminton. Whilst jeans, as ever, can go anywhere, the smart set are all wearing short, sexy tweed skirts. They look really stunning. These are worn with cashmere pullovers or tweed jackets, or shirts..Long, soft suede boots with flat heels were the Badminton must have’s to complete the outfits. These were so stunning that we’re not sure what the men were actually wearing, the reporters were busy noting skirt-lenghts and costs in the various shops. The type of trouser outfit worn by the wonderful rider Karen Donkers below shows that even foreign competitors had slipped up and didn’t realize that the short tweed skirt was an absolute must...We are glad to at least be able to tell our readers before the county show season starts in earnest.

There are various ways tackling the big fashon occassions.
Most women start with the dress or skirt, or maybe the jacket.
Others, as our lady above shows, find such a good hat that they have to match the rest of the outfit to the hat. other ladies may have an outfit already, a favourite, which canbe perked up with a change of accessories, Teenagers, of course, always start with the distressed jeans . But they are not waiting at the bus-stop for that mid-life romance to come along. The middle-aged tend to try to catch the bus-driver’s eye, to make him stop for them.

totally correct for 2010

Top Outfit Prizes Awarded for 2009:
The winning hat for Special Occassions is the Liqourice Allsorts modelled here by Daniella. It gets extra points for being edible, in case of a crisis or a very long sermon in a cold church..

The most Disstressed Prize went to these jeans, without a moments hesitation.

Wedding Dresses: An Occassional Series. Churches are very draughty, or shall we say: Well Ventilated.02/12/09

The Famous Moscow Solution can be seen below, the bride and groom make a very fine pair and we wish them all happiness in their future married life.
We’re alittle concerned for the bride on our right, she is at risk in these chilly Englsih Country Churches of catching achill in an akward place for a honey-moon.
Therefore we canot stress strongly enough, try the Long- wool dress and keep it on until you enter a tropical region....

Tweed Knicker-bockers live forever.

Underkeepers and Beatresses: Is it time for a change?
These charming outfits date from around 1885. They would look fine on today’s shoots. Perhaps it is indeed these we see on today’s shoots? We feel sure that the 1885 Underkeeper would step out and drive off in today’s 4-wheeldrive Mule with alacricity. Is it time to move ahead or should the Underkeepers be proud of their slightly Oldfashioned Image? What do our readers think?23/10/09

Wedding dresses are very in the news.The best ones are very eco-concious. (Eco stands for Economical and Earth Friendly_) Posssily they could be coloure bluebery blue? For slightly frigid brides, that is.The charming wedding dress on the right is ade from Longwool wool, not from the pricey Texel seen below. But wool is a very warm and excellent natural material that we feel is underutilized.
We hope to soon present the perfect Eco-house, knitted variety. Wool is a terrific insulator and it would be possible...

Badminton Horse-Trials

What to wear for Badminton?
We fear the answer is crystal clear: Top temperature of 14 C is forecast, with 28 miles/hr winds. Not totally warm, so wear your ordinary beating outfits, with, perhaps a spring-like hat or scarf. Take gloves and hot soup for the picnic. If desperate, eat the gloves. You have been warned! Fashion reports will follow, if our reporter succeeds in getting interesting information. We’re confident that we’re the only site combining information on what to wear, who to back, and which pet is the most suitable for the occassion. ( DO NOT TAKE THE RABBIT TO BADMINTON.)

Full marks to the gentleman on the left. He has the required 3 dogs, the latest hat, the sunshades and just looks an ideal spectator at Badminton. The lady on the right is also wonderfully dressed for cross-country day with the leater cowboy hat, the boots, the large bag and look properly, the small dog in another bag. She also appears to be tuning in to Radio Badminton. She is our Winner for Style 2009! Our sponsors will give her a prize, if she sends in he name. It is a great honour to be Best Dressed Spectator, selected by our Fashion Experts..

Below , we can see that the situation is becoming clear: For dressage day, the accessory is a dachs-hound with suitable misstress collar.
Obviously, only dogs with a genuine interest in dressage should be brought on the two dressage days..

One of our readers, ( male, no prizes for guessing that) has sent in this very fashionable wedding dress for Beatresses. It could certainly prove a talking point at the wedding..

The genteman above only misses out on the award by having 2 dogs. Not quite enough, not this year. And no hat. Still, a good effort which is sure to gain a prize at the Beater-trials where it would be eminently suitable. At Beater-Trials two dogs is the recommended number, three would be regarded as irritating.

Moreover, he suggests that the Beatresses wear it for early Partridge Drives.
Personally, our fashion Editor thinks the shoes and leg-wear will fail the Health and Safety Standards Tick Protection Tests.Still, there you are, all the more reason to come beating! Above and to the right are two severe cases of the wrong trousers.. Say no more. Nice dogs.

Hunter-Trials: Is there a Fashion?

Our hard-working reporters did not only enjoy their assessment of the Adrenalin-junkie aspect of cross-country riding, they found time to study the fashions. To start with, our reporters were horrified and there appeared to be no stylish outfits at all. But, once they started to look more closely at the competitors in the 12 and under class they realized they were totally wrong. These little girls and the odd boy, perhaps, were dressed BETTER than the riders at Powderham Castle a few days earlier. Yes, the saddlecloth would match the ponies boots, which in turn were harmonious with the riders colours and her cap.It was quite stunning, how much time must have been spent preparing the outfits. The proper little competitor must also arrive in alorry or 4x4, with her name written on the vehicle, her sponsors, her web-site adress and so forth. The sponsores appeared, in most cases, to be her very own parents, but it was all very nicely done.
The same parents ( of which only the mothers were out on display) were remarkably ill-dressed. Even the dogs were of the oriinary Jack Russell type and not a single ant-eater or Chekoslovakian Wolf-dog was seen. As for the reporters themselves, they were not the best dressed pair , not by a distance. Their horses boots were not even matching, nor their saddle-cloths, and as for Annie’s red jodphurs, you can see Fleur’s comments on Stable-talk... A photo of the offending garment will appear in due course. Annie’s Mannerly Mare is, however, of a very fashionable colour and was the only countrytalk participant that fully passed muster, if we disregard the un-matching boots etc.


	Horse Trials Fashions: Do they exist?


		Our Horse-Trials Reporter is sorry to state that Fashion amongs the Spectators of horse-trials is very poor indeed. The only important accessory that we have so far discovered is to have a smart dog or an ant-eater attached by a fashionable lead.( For currently acceptable collars for mistressis, see Dog Discussion)

	Compared to racing, the fashion scene is a desert. Although, the dog-scene is very interesting and clearly important. A dog is a MUST. The only other acceptable accesory is a camera, the bigger, the better. The crowd is not as jolly or as happy as a racing or point- to- point crowd. This is probably due to the fact that there appears to be no dress-code. For Royakl Ascot, you have to be dressed to the Nines and possibly rob a bank in order to acheive passability. Unsuitable clothing will result in a refusal to enter the course! . At Cheltenham and Liverpool, you have to be as smart as you can manage whilst wearing thermal under -garments. At point- to-points you just have to be warm and have a good picnic with you. But, at horse trials there seems to be nothing but unhappiness and confusion. This leads to very poor business in the trade-stands ,Gamebird was informed. The Traders all regretted not going to the point-to-point. This is the price of uncertainty: nobody knows what to buy or what to do! Before the most important Horse Trial of the Season, Badminton Itself, our Fashion Expert will issue some guide-lines to help the shoppers along. Countrytalk Staff feel very certain that this will help to generate a happy crowd.


		Here we see the uncertain spectators with their accessories. photos A. Ratcliff.

	The Problems with Weddings.

Just as countrytalk predicted, knitted fashions and feathery hats are going to be the most fashionable thing possible for next season. We really do our best to find the most wonderful and suitable outfits for our readers. By wearingg these we can also support sheep-farmers and road-kill.

It is a good job we have our eyes constantly open and are scanning the fashion scene. We approach the season of Weddings, be the Bridegrooms home-grown or brought in from outside. Weddings, as we all know, are very hazardous for the relations, especially the mother of the Bride.

These feathery outfits are clearly most suitable for most beatresses. It doesn’t matter if the bride is the Beatress or if it is the mother of the beater who is tying the knot.Feathers are both becoming and suitable. We shall continue to look out for more tips in this problematic area of dress. It can be very expensive and with this recession we have to think of ways to use the road-kill for dressing up.

Beater Fashions for the New Season?

What were the last seasons’s smartest outfits and what will be new in the autumn?

One might be forgiven for thinking that all beaters look the same. Obviously, all beaters look rather similar at first glance. It is quite astonishing though how various beatresses manage to express their personalities by having individual accessories.
Our fashion Editor follows the current trends and studies Cheltenham form, see below..

Fashions also change from year to year,in beating wear as in everything else.The hats on the left just look, well, so LAST SEASON.

The ones below were JUST RIGHT for this season. But already, the beatressess are thinking ahead towards this autumn.

Next season’s hat?

The Beaters manage to express to express their personalities very well. A longstanding favourite for the well-dressed beater is the the FLAT CAP. It doesn’t change much from year to year but is always popular. The colour may change, but only in the approved camouflage type patterns of green/grey/yellowish or brown.Last season saw some pink and purply variations and one or two beatressess with a rather oversized version.

Other Beaters favour the Woolly Hat in it’s various shapes and forms. These include some modern fleece hats which are remarkably warm and water-resistant. The older generation of beater sometimes prefers a proper knitted hat however.

To the right is a variety of the most popular types of head-wear.The camouflage type jacket is very fashionable amongst would-be male BOGI’s but is rarely, if ever, seen on beatressess.These prefer to wear coats in slightly more individual colours, which is very helpful to the game-keepers who can then identify them as ‘ the Lad in the Yellow jacket,’ for example.Naturally, the beatressess learn top respond to these names and the colour coding works well.


	I Water-proof trousers are just not much of a fashion statement, although they vary a lot in price. Basically most of them fail both as fashion garments and as water-proofs. Moreover they rip very easily. it is thought that the designers of these garments rarely, if ever, try them out in the field.